HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM THE TENANTS OF HARPERS FOREST - JANUARY 2009!
HERE IS THE MOST UP TO DATE INFORMATION AVAILABLE ON THE RAPIDLY DETERIORATING LIVING CONDITIONS AT DEMOCRATIC SLUMLORD PHILIP E. RATCLIFFE'S PREMIER GHETTO COMPLEX!
'wingless bloodsucking insects with broad flat reddish-brown body
and unpleasant odor that infests beds, furniture, walls, etc., active mainly at night and may transmit a variety of diseases - Websters New World Dictionary
you're one step ahead of me columbia but i know what you're thinking - was webster referring to the bugs or the landlords?
I'M SURE MOST OF YOU RECOGNIZE THIS DEFINITION OF THESE LITTLE DISEASE CARRYING BUGGERS THAT NEST IN YOUR MATTRESS AND EVERYTHING ELSE YOU OWN. YES! THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT - BEDBUGS! BEDBUGS - BEDBUGS AND MORE BEDBUGS! WE GOT 'EM BY THE MATTRESS FULL AT HARPERS FOREST APARTMENTS. COMPLIMENTS OF - AND WITH A JOLLY HO-HO-HO MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM OWNER PHILIP E. RATCLIFFE, THEY'RE JUST WAITING FOR YOU TO LAY YOUR TIRED BODY DOWN SO THEY CAN LITERALLY FEAST ON YOUR FLESH AND BLOOD.
BUT HOLD ON BETHLEHEM - THE BEST IS YET TO COME. AS MORE AND MORE TENANTS WAKE UP COVERED IN THE RED BITE MARKS THESE NASTY CRITTERS LEAVE ON YOUR BODY AS THEIR CALLING CARD - AND WITH A 'DON'T BOTHER ME' ATTITUDE AND 'WHO CARES' SHRUG OF THEIR SHOULDERS MANAGEMENT HAS ADVISED TENANTS TO THROW AWAY OUR INFESTED FURNISHINGS AND BUY NEW ONES!!!
JUST WHEN YOU THINK THEY CAN'T POSSIBLY SAY ANYTHING MORE STUPID - THERE THEY GO AGAIN! IT KIND OF REMINDS ME OF RONALD REAGAN'S RESPONSE WHEN ASKED ABOUT THE POOR SAID 'LET THEM EAT JELLY BEANS' - REPORTEDLY THAT WAS HIS FAVORITE SNACK. WOW! WHAT A LUXURIOUS LIFE RATCLIFFE AND COMPANY MUST HAVE - ONE THAT'S FUNDED BY THE HARDWORKING LOWER INCOME COMMUNITY - AND PROVIDES HIM WITH ELEGANT HOMES UP AND DOWN THE EAST COAST FROM BALTIMORE TO FT LAUDERDALE. BUT ISN'T THAT EXACTLY THE KIND OF INSENSITIVITY YOU'D EXPECT FROM A WEALTHY SLUMLORD? JUST BECAUSE THE MANAGEMENT AT HARPERS FOREST APARTMENTS CAN AFFORD TO THROW AWAY ALL THEIR PROPERTY AND CALL UP THE LOCAL ETHAN ALLEN GALLERIES TO SEND OVER A HOUSEFUL OF NEW TOP OF THE LINE FURNISHINGS - THEY THINK THEIR TENANTS HAVE THE SAME UNLIMITED FINANCIAL RESOURCES THAT THEY HAVE - THANKS TO HIS RENT PAYING TENANTS! THAT'S HIS BUSINESS PHILOSOPHY OF 'TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN!' HE SAYS IT'S NOT HIS RESPONSIBILITY TO EXTERMINATE THE LITTLE BLOODSUCKERS!
IF YOU'RE LIKE MOST WORKING PEOPLE AND ALL YOUR ACHING BODY WANTS AFTER 8 - 10 - AND 12 HOUR SHIFTS IS TO HAVE A LITTLE SILENT NIGHTS REST -
LISTEN TO THOSE WHO KNOW -
LISTEN TO THE DEAFENING CHORUS
FROM THOSE WHO LIVE HERE AT HARPERS FOREST APARTMENTS -
AND NOW THIS NEW YEARS SEASON 2009 -
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES -
AND DO NOT RENT FROM HARPERS FOREST APARTMENTS - IT COULD VERY WELL BE THE WORST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE!
HAPPY NEW YEAR COLUMBIA!
AND
DON'T LET
THE HARPERS FOREST BEDBUGS
BITE!
SAY NO TO SECRET SEX CAMS AND CRIMINAL CHILD ABUSE
IT'S NO LONGER RUMOR-IT'S A FACT-MD MGMT HAS INSTALLED HIDDEN SEX CAMS IN YOUR PRIVATE APT AND IS DISTRIBUTING YOU AND YOUR FAMILYS NUDE IMAGES THROUGHOUT THE COMMUNITY-PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN AND SAY NO TO HARPERS FOREST APARTMENTS-SAY NO TO FELONY CHILD ABUSE-GET A LAWYER AND SUE THEM INTO BANKRUPTCY!
" HOUSE MATE? ARE YOU NUTS, DUDE? THOSE THINGS ARE AS BIG AS I AM! I'M MOVING. YOU SIGNED THE LEASE - NOT ME!"
NO MATTER HOW MANT TIMES THEY TRY TO CHANGE THEIR FACE, TO ESCAPE THEIR SORDID PAST, THEY'LL ALWAYS BE THE SAME OLD CREEPY AND GREASY HARPERS FOREST APARTMENTS!